just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesnโt get them female rage will.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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