Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You don't make any sense
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