This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
