Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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