This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
