god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
