I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
