i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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