Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
