I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
