I will die if light touches me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
