Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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