fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
