She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
