ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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