So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
