Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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