i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
