Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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