I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is Oprah even human
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
