Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
