I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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