He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
