Don't make out with my wife yet
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
