Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
