Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
