I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
