Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
