so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
