dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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