I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
