The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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