Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
