i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
