Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
