please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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