Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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