I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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