Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
