was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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