do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
