and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
