The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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