I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
