Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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