You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
