I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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