Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
