im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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