I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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