Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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