In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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