That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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